It's funny isn't it, how relationships and people can change?
This week, I changed a lot. I'm still undecided if it was for good or bad, or if it's just something insignificant that I'm thinking too much about. Now these changes go past just the physical things I do. While yes, I've started consuming both alcohol and caffeine in small amounts (which is a big deal in my life, for those of you who don't actually know me), these are really the things that concern me the least. What really bothers me is the change that I have been undergoing on the inside.
I was away at a work conference this past week, and it was a great time. I learned a lot, made a new friend, met other interesting people and connected more with my co-workers. While I was having a good time, I was hurting inside, and that's where everything started to go wrong.
During open mic night, we were all standing around listening to the music, chatting and mingling and so on. While I was there, I started chatting with this guy who looked nice enough and chatting with my other friend. I realize this doesn't sound like a real issue, but it was the reasons behind talking to him that were not right, as they were based all around revenge on another person in a sense, and when I realized that I felt terrible. After spending more time talking to this guy, I was completely blown away. We had a good chat, we really opened up to each other, which is something neither of us are used to doing so easily or willingly. The more I learned about him, the more impressed I was. Here was this guy my own age, from a completely different world than me, but we are interested in many of the same things, and his interests and skills are so varied, he was great to talk to!
During all of this, I couldn't help but feel a little bit bad for a couple reasons:
1. My reasons for initiating contact with him were not right.
2. Due to those, I had practically used him -- also not right.
3. I judged a book by it's cover (haven't we been told since children not to do that?) and that's not right either.
It was a real learning experience for me and really opened my eyes. Luckily this young man has been more than just nice. He's been downright amazing, helpful, understanding, interesting, funny, entertaining...the list is endless. My interaction with him taught me one heck of a valuable life lesson, and he's helped me work through it, along with a couple other of my good friends and I really appreciate that.
So I'm still trying to figure out what I think of these changes. What I did was questionable in regards to my own morals, but it has been a life lesson that I've spent countless hours reflecting on. It's going to have a rather profound impact on my life from now on.
I would like to thank the few of you I talked to about this whole experience, and a special thanks to my new friend for being cool. As well, thank you to whomever actually read this all the way through. That actually means something.
Peace and Love,
K.
I would like to thank the few of you I talked to about this whole experience, and a special thanks to my new friend for being cool. As well, thank you to whomever actually read this all the way through. That actually means something.
"In every time zone, at the turning of the globe, 6PM comes and goes - then a false prophet is exposed, while God's word is mocked. I am troubled. I haven't had the heart to join in the mocking. It grieves me - arrogant, unbiblical proclamations have real, negative consequences." Dave Silker
Where do you go when you need to get away? When you need to vent? Is it to your parents? Your best friend? Just a friend? Do you go find a quiet place somewhere, or do you go to some highly populated space so you can be lost in the crowd? Do you search music or books for answers?
All of the rain today has really reminded me of my time in Quebec. That summer was the best and worst summer of my life thus far, but I am really appreciative for the experience and the friendships that came out of it.It was at this stage in my life that we guessed I have seasonal depression, because I was so upset for the first 2 weeks I was there...all it did was rain. Since then, I've overcome that, and I have come to love the rain and all of the emotions it brings up. Liam, my "little brother" (I am an only child, so I've just adopted people into my family) is the one that really got me to love the rain. We take long walks in the rain, and I think they're great.
A couple reasons why I think Liam is amazing:
Last night Liam's older sister had a campfire down by the beach and we watched the storm roll in over the water. Campfires have the same effect on me as rain. The 9 of us there sat around the fire in the sand, some people playing the guitar and singing, some of us just sitting and listening. We told a lot of jokes and had a lot of fun, but I also got a lot of thinking done. The whole time we were down there, I was convinced we were going to get rained on. Luckily that never happened. It was a great night, and I love my friends and nature.