A Rapidly Changing Life

Hello to my friends, family, and the odd stranger who decides to read this! Now that I've been back on the East Coast for just under two months, I figure it's about time I sent out an update and this seems like the most accessible way to do it. So bear with me as I try to explain the immense changes in my life over the last few months.

My Thesis and I

As most of you know, I graduated from St. Stephen's University in April with a completed thesis and a somewhat broken spirit. Academia and I were not friends, but I won and I am very proud of everything I accomplished. I am also extremely grateful for the opportunities that were presented to me through my university and for the personal growth I experienced because of the immense challenge of it. I wouldn't trade the last four years for anything.

I spent the following six months nursing my mental health back to a state near homeostasis -- a challenging prospect considering how exhausted I was at the very core of my being. With this goal in mind, I used my spare time to sit on the beach (often with a beverage of choice) reading books that I hoped would help me understand some of the internal struggle I was facing, listening to music that I liked, and appreciating being outdoors and alone. I also spent a lot of time trying to connect with my friends who were still in town, which was fantastic!

Finding mental rest

My Book List:

1. The Pilgrimage -- Paulo Coehlo
2. In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction -- Gabor Maté, MD
3. If You Feel Too Much -- Jamie Tworkowski
4. Scary Close -- Donald Miller
5. Boy Meets Depression: Or Life Sucks and then you Live -- Kevin Breel
6. The Noonday Demon -- Andrew Solomon (This is what I am currently reading. It's big and heavy -- both literally and in content, but so helpful).

In my not-spare time I worked at the local bakery, which is run by an incredible family that I am so happy I had the chance to work for! The schedule took some adjusting -- there was something simultaneously beautiful and awful about waking up at 5am so I had enough time to walk to work during the summer. Those early morning walks were often the most calming parts of my day, offering me time to reflect and centre myself before a busy day of hard work. Going in, had essentially no experience working in a bakery, so the first few weeks were a little stressful as I tried to orient myself in the workplace and learn everything I had to do. Once I started catching on to that role I was offered a promotion and ended up doing something entirely different than I started with, so I had to transition myself again and learn a whole new set of skills.

Early morning fog

So I spent my summer making tons of loaves of bread, and I loved it! It is such a scientific process with a unique skill set, and I am so glad that I was able to learn it. I found I was never bored of the job because there was always something new for me to learn and it was a very physical job, and meant that I was jacked by the time I left in the fall (okay, maybe I wasn't jacked, but I was very fit!). My boss was a lot of fun to work with and he was patient with me while he taught me everything I now know about making bread and put up with my often ridiculous mistakes. All of my co-workers were amazing and I am glad I was able to get to know them. So thanks to the Niklauses for welcoming me into the Offshore Bakery family and for being so encouraging of my baking progress! I hope the short remainder of your season goes exceptionally well. You all deserve it!

The Thanksgiving weekend I packed up my belongings and left grossly early to fly to New Brunswick for a job. Thank you Dad for driving with me to Toronto at 3am when I am sure you would rather have been sleeping...I know that's what I wanted to be doing! Once I landed in Fredericton, I was met by my friend Jon and we went for an afternoon of driving adventures while listening to great music, catching up on each others' lives, and sitting in silence as I tried to let it sink in that I was "home." I spent that catching up with one of my best friends who I wouldn't see again for 2 months and trying to prepare myself to jump right into work.

Thanksgiving Monday I walked through the doors of SSU to begin my training as an official recruiter for our little university and for the next four weeks I traveled around the East Coast with my recruiting partner, Moriah, talking to hundreds of high school students about our university. This was such a challenging and rewarding month of work. I found it hard talking to so many youth who often didn't want to be at the university fairs because facing the reality that life as they know it is ending is terrifying. At the same time, it was amazing to see the excitement on the faces of some students as they connected with the philosophy of our school -- a couple girls were even so excited that they started crying!

Moriah during our first
recruiting adventure.

 The pinnacle for me was the Open House on the last day of  my contract. At one of the recruiting fairs in Halifax I had spoken to a girl who left our table saying, "I think I just found my university!" She convinced her mom to drive her for five hours to come to our open house, and seeing her excitement while she was there, and watching her as she played games with some of the current students reminded me so much of me when I first visited SSU six years ago. Knowing that I had helped make that connection ensured me that my recruiting efforts were worthwhile!

The iconic St. Stephen pier

Now, I have officially moved to St. Stephen. Immediately after ending my contract with SSU I began a trial period with a special care home. I loved it, and that trial period turned into full-time employment. It is a home for men with mental disabilities. There are seven men in the home, each with their own unique circumstances, but they are all so lovely to spend time with! My role is to provide them with personal support and just help them be able to live their daily lives in a loving setting. This means that I clean the house, shower some of them, prepare meals, administer medications, and just make sure that everyone is happy and healthy. A huge part of my job is just building relationships with these men and spending time with them, and that is why I really love it! While I am working I have to take the Personal Support Worker course for New Brunswick, and to be honest, getting back in the routine of studying is somewhat challenging, but it's very practical based on what I'm doing.

The most exciting thing for me with all of this change is that I have found myself an apartment. It is in a historical building called Todd Mansion that is owned by a couple in the community that I sort of knew. They are working hard to fix up this building, and I am so excited to be living here.

They were as good as they look!

I'm currently living temporarily in an apartment up on the third floor while they fix up my apartment on the first floor, and I can't wait to move in! I've only been living on my own for six days, but I can already tell that I was born for this. I love having my own space and doing home-like things...like cooking and cleaning and just sitting and staring at the ceiling while listening to music. Who knew? Thanks to Alyssa for encouraging me to make chili my first night, and for making cupcakes with me!

So yeah. Things are different now. I'm different. I'm in a different place. And I'm happy. I am so, so happy. I love my job, I love my apartment, I love where I am, and I love who I'm surrounded by. I really miss everyone back home, but I promise I'll visit some day. Everyone has an open invite to visit me here. I have a comfortable blow up mattress (I can vouch for it because I've been sleeping on it all week). So come visit me. I want to share my life with you all!

Now all I need is a car. ;)

Love always,
Kay

Grand Manan

Grand Manan feet

Street Fighter

I am a Street Fighter. 

For one of my classes I was required to do a "civic action project." Essentially, I needed to track down a civic action group and find a way to get involved. The natural choice for me was to choose an organization close to my heart --  To Write Love On Her Arms (TWLOHA).

TWLOHA is an organization based in the United States that raises awareness, support, and funding for mental health initiatives. If you're friends with me, you've probably heard me talk about it once or twice (or all the time...). It opens the conversation surrounding mental health in an attempt to reduce the stigma surrounding the issue. I first heard about it long before I even really knew what it was. I remember in high school, some of my friends walked around the school with permanent markers on World Suicide Prevention Day asking people if they wanted to write "Love" on their arms in support of anyone suffering from depression. Without fully understanding the implications of this, I agreed and walked around for the rest of that day showing my support for the movement I barely understood.

Since that one day many years ago, TWLOHA has become an important support in my own life. My first year at university opened my eyes to the depression I have been living with since my preteen years, and it has been a combination of my physical communities -- both at home, and at university -- and the online community through TWLOHA that has helped me come to terms with my struggle without feeling like an inadequate human being.

The best thing about TWLOHA for me, is that it has taught me that honesty about my own mental illness does not need to be nearly as traumatic as I always thought it would be. I have learned how to openly talk about my ongoing battle without fear of judgment. Surprisingly, people are actually quite understanding. Imagine that! Beyond that, TWLOHA has opened my eyes to just how many people there are globally who deal with mental health struggles. While I was aware of the impact of depression, suicide, addiction, etc. on my life and the lives of the people near me, I was somewhat oblivious to the fact that if affects everyone.


It is difficult to really describe all that TWLOHA has done for me. It is difficult to describe how I have seen it working in the lives of others. But it is important. It is important enough to me that I have permanently written "Love" on my arm because I don't want to temporarily show support. I want to be a permanent advocate for people going through struggles.

So here I am. I don't know everything, but I know more than I did. I am grateful for this experience because it has forced me to be more conscientiously involved than I have been. It has forced me to learn more about the organization, the movement, and the underlying issue.

This upcoming Saturday is the TWLOHA "Run for It 5k." I'm not a great runner, so realistically I am definitely not going to run the whole thing, but I am going to run as much of it as I can. I have purchased a shirt (that you can find here) as a way to financially support this, but I encourage you to donate to the cause if you feel that this organization is worthwhile (DONATE HERE). Do some research first. I support educated donating -- I don't want people to donate simply out of a feeling of obligation. So do what feels right to you. But if you feel so inclined, you could participate in the run too.