It's funny isn't it, how relationships and people can change?
This week, I changed a lot. I'm still undecided if it was for good or bad, or if it's just something insignificant that I'm thinking too much about. Now these changes go past just the physical things I do. While yes, I've started consuming both alcohol and caffeine in small amounts (which is a big deal in my life, for those of you who don't actually know me), these are really the things that concern me the least. What really bothers me is the change that I have been undergoing on the inside.
I was away at a work conference this past week, and it was a great time. I learned a lot, made a new friend, met other interesting people and connected more with my co-workers. While I was having a good time, I was hurting inside, and that's where everything started to go wrong.
During open mic night, we were all standing around listening to the music, chatting and mingling and so on. While I was there, I started chatting with this guy who looked nice enough and chatting with my other friend. I realize this doesn't sound like a real issue, but it was the reasons behind talking to him that were not right, as they were based all around revenge on another person in a sense, and when I realized that I felt terrible. After spending more time talking to this guy, I was completely blown away. We had a good chat, we really opened up to each other, which is something neither of us are used to doing so easily or willingly. The more I learned about him, the more impressed I was. Here was this guy my own age, from a completely different world than me, but we are interested in many of the same things, and his interests and skills are so varied, he was great to talk to!
During all of this, I couldn't help but feel a little bit bad for a couple reasons:
1. My reasons for initiating contact with him were not right.
2. Due to those, I had practically used him -- also not right.
3. I judged a book by it's cover (haven't we been told since children not to do that?) and that's not right either.
It was a real learning experience for me and really opened my eyes. Luckily this young man has been more than just nice. He's been downright amazing, helpful, understanding, interesting, funny, entertaining...the list is endless. My interaction with him taught me one heck of a valuable life lesson, and he's helped me work through it, along with a couple other of my good friends and I really appreciate that.
So I'm still trying to figure out what I think of these changes. What I did was questionable in regards to my own morals, but it has been a life lesson that I've spent countless hours reflecting on. It's going to have a rather profound impact on my life from now on.
I would like to thank the few of you I talked to about this whole experience, and a special thanks to my new friend for being cool. As well, thank you to whomever actually read this all the way through. That actually means something.
Peace and Love,
K.
